Anne's story

My son is an addict and alcoholic.  He is 36 years old and this lifestyle choice began when he was 15 years’ old 

Have his choices affected me?  Yes, of course they have. 

Over the years, I have tried everything to help him.  I have attended numerous meetings, appointments, advice centres, Police stations – the list goes on.  I have supported him endlessly. 

As Lewis’ mum, I thought it was my role and duty to do this, after all it must somehow be my fault. Where have I gone wrong?

It is only this year that I have relinquished the role of ‘fixer’. It is not my fault!

Lewis makes his own decisions and follows his own path.  Yes, I am still his mum, but I am trying my best not to ‘enable’ him.  I say trying because I still take him food when he has spent all his money on OTHER things. 

Recently, we have bought ourselves a bolt hole in the sun.  We try to get away at least three times a year for a month at a time.  I still speak to Lewis most days but we are not available.  He has to look after himself and we get to recharge our batteries and relax. 

I have often said ‘I wish my feelings had an off button’ meaning that I wish I could stop caring.  But, I can’t. 

I love Lewis with all my heart and I hold on to the hope that one day he will make the right decisions and become the man I know he can be. 

Until then, I continue to live my life and as I approach 70 I try to enjoy life. 

If anybody reading this can relate to this and needs a friendly chat I can be contacted through CiB. 

Names have been changed

Jan 2023